"Mommy, do you wike GOATS?"

Goats....or, ghosts to the rest of the world. Ellie is TOTALLY in love with all the Halloween decorations around town and at the stores these days. We have to go out several times a week to look at the "decowations"...she can't get enough. Her Poppy is feeding her habit ... so far he has bought her 3 pumpkins (2 regular sized ones and one "tiny,tiny" one), a light-up jack-o-lantern, a witch door cover, a scarecrow, and a candy bowl with a skeleton hand that tries to grab you. Last night, we played Potato Heads and she put all the pieces in the skeleton bowl so that she could laugh hysterically when it went after us. Good times!

She loves to hide lately as well. Nothing better. She's not very good at it though, because she can't quit giggling. That, and her feet are always sticking out. She's easy to find. :) She just has such a joyful spirit. My new Mommy prayer is that THAT spirit stays intact even as she navigates some of the bumps along life's road. That spirit is an invaluable gift. I trust God will guide me in guiding her, so that it may be preserved. I know HE will....what a precious being He created.

Halloween Ellie-isms:

"GOATS"--- ghosts, you know, like "Capper" the friendly Goats?
"Pive wittle punkin sit on a bine" -- I THINK this is a Halloween song from school.
"How my wook?" -- she says this when she gets into her costume...or her clothes or pjs for that matter. You're supposed to say "Beautiful, as always".

Sister Golden Hair Surprise...

Today is my sister's 35th birthday. She is, ahem...the Younger One. Actually, she is the youngest of the three of us. Poor thing...she has suffered for it. She was the one we used as a guinea pig -- like the time we busted her lip open trying a circus trick in the living room. She was my Solid Gold Dancer partner, the co-writer of our song lyrics (the LOOOOVE BOAT....a,a,a,a,a,at NINE O'ClOCK) <~~~only she will appreciate that one. She was my tag-a-long when I went to a friend's house, the baby when we'd play house, the one who always made Barbie and Ken kiss "like they do on soap operas".

She was BORN with her own mind and way of doing things. I remember the day she came home. I had prayed for a baby sister with blonde hair and blue eyes. I remember that vividly...when I said I wanted the baby to be a sister, my mother told me to pray to God and ask for that. So I did. And He listened, all except for the part where I wanted her to look just like my Mrs. Beasley doll. In hindsight, that is a good thing. He really does know what's best. But I got that baby sister, and with the exception of a few years from ages 12-18, I have been very happy to have her.

And, though we used and abused her status as the little one (she could always get Mom or Dad to relent on whatever the issue was at the time), often she has been the trailblazer of the family. The first to do many things....some even good! She is, and always has been, wildly ambitious and intelligent. When something gets into her head or heart that she wants to do, she will do it or die trying. I admire that in her. It can be frustrating from the perspective of cautious older sister...always scared she'll be hurt or disappointed. But admirable still.

Recently, this baby we've spent so many years protecting and loving tells us she's getting MARRIED. WHAAAAAT?!!!? My world just went upside down! This person, the same one who has denounced marriage and all it involves, is -- dare I say it, in LOVE? (She'll gag when she reads this!) Whoa.

See, in my mind, she's not old enough for this. She's still six years old, with long pigtails and no front teeth. She's still my baby. But, I am SO happy for her at the same time. I want so much for her. I want him to be everything to her in 50 years that he is today. I want them to have one of those marriages that people look at and say, "That's what I want." And, though I know that no one or nothing can prepare them for the roller-coaster that lies ahead, I know he is getting a partner who can handle anything. I hope she is, too.

I know she won't ASK me for any advice, but my genetics make it impossible not to give it anyway. So here it is:

Be kind to each other. Respect that he is not you and you are not him. Know that there is more than one way to do many things. Hold hands. Let the little things go. Walk away when all you can think of to say is something negative. Don't try to keep up with the Joneses. Pray for each other. Know that all humans will fail us eventually, but you can always turn to God. Laugh together often. Do things separately sometimes. Have your own friends. Tell the other that they are appreciated. Love the other's family. Listen to your gut--ALWAYS.

I love you, little sister. I hope I have been as good a sister to you as you have to me. I wish you all the happiness the world has to hold...today and always.

Mommy, you my best fwiend...

...that is what my daughter said to me today. Out of the blue, with no prodding. Not like all the times I make her say "I wuv you, Mommy". This was real -- from the heart. I had been away from her for most of the day and when I got home she climbed up on my lap, put her arms around my neck, and said it.

I read someone's blog who had said about their child, "she is the answer to the question 'Why?' ". Well said.

Recent Ellie-isms:

"Mommy Kafween!" -- a copy-cat version of the "you're in big trouble now" first-middle name combo all parents do. "Ellie Kathleen!" She said this to me when she got mad the other day.

"Stinkerbell Tickers" -- stickers are her currency these days. She gets so excited that she gets her consonants transposed. She loves "stinkerbell" ....and tickers.

"I nakied myselp!" -- when she took her clothes off by herself without permission. She was impressed!

Children seldom misquote. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said. ~Author Unknown

Cooper Daniel Slayton

To my little boy:

Today marks two years since we said hello and goodbye to you. It doesn't seem possible that that much time has passed. To think you would be two years old now...amazing. I think about you every single day and wish I would have had more time to know you. I wish I could have spent this time watching you grow and learn and laugh. I will miss you everyday, and hope you knew how very much I love you.

Where did the summer go?

This morning, Mom and Dad left for WV to take my boys back to their Momma and a new school year. I miss them. We had a good, if LOUD, summer together. I always feel sad when they leave though, or when I have to leave them. No matter how much bickering, begging, and bargaining we had to wade through, I still loved having them with us for so long. Caden, Quinn, and I managed to slip away twice this summer to spend the day in Savannah. Had a great time eating at the Lady and Sons and taking a tour of the city. Another day we rode our bikes to Coligny Plaza to shop and get ice cream (Superman for Quinn, Sponge Bob for Caden). Many trips to the pool and beach, working at the bakery, and watching Alf reruns (a new one to them!)...they are my buddies, that's for sure.

There were issues, too. Don't be fooled....thirteen is a WHOLE NEW kind of OBNOXIOUS these days. And eight-just-turning-nine is no walk in the park either. We butted heads a few times, but that's par for the course I'd say.

I have some good memories of this summer, and I think they do too although they missed their home and friends. I now know what a Webkin is and can tell you all kinds of interesting details about various rock bands.

I love that I got to see Caden earn money to buy himself a new bass. He was so proud of it. I hope he learned how satisfying it is to work hard for something you want. I love that I got to see Quinn happily eating a chocolate ice cream cone one day in Savannah, totally unaware that it was all over his sweet little face -- it made me so happy that he is still little enough not to notice or care, but to just be able to laugh, totally oblivious to the rest of the world for that moment. These moments are too fleeting.

They were excited to go home, but a little sad too I think. That's understandable. Life is full of moments like that. Bittersweet. I think that's the hardest place to be in.

I love you, my boys. Have a good first day of school. Call me and sing "Why do you love me..." in your best Kip Dynamite voice. Be good and do your best.

Come back soon.

Practice what you preach

For those who don't know, I have spent my career until very recently in the business of educating young children and their parents. For many of those years I was either a preschool director or teacher. The beginning of a new school year meant new students and parents who were apprehensive about the prospect of leaving or being left in a strange place with people they didn't yet know. I was the one who tried to calm their fears. I was the one who told the children that their mommy would always come back. I was the one who wondered, "Why don't these parents just LEAVE so we can get on with our day?" After all, they have to let go a little and with a little luck we will all stop crying by lunchtime.

Ahhh...be careful little mouth what you say.

Ellie is about to start preschool. We visited one school yesterday and will see another one on Friday. She went to a few weeks of Mother's Morning Out at the local Baptist church this summer and loved it. It was kind of bittersweet watching her go. On the one hand, being so proud that she is confident enough to go bravely into a new adventure, and on the other hand hating the fact that she is growing up and away so quickly. But this time I am faced with choosing a school for the whole year. I am weighing the benefits and drawbacks of full-day vs. half day, curriculum based vs. discovery learning, and location, location, location. The school we saw yesterday was really nice and the people seemed very in-tune with her. I like their discipline policy(no over-use of time out) and the fact that they are a Christian school and incorporate those values into their approach with the children. But, they are a full-day school where she will nap and eat her lunch...all away from me for two days a week. This gives me a lump in my throat the size of a grapefruit. The other school we are to see is a half-day program that operates as a parent co-op (each parent goes to the school one day a month to help in the classroom). I like that too. Decisions.

How do you always make the right choice for your child? How do you just turn them over to people who have no idea how precious they are to you? How do you just walk out and go about your day while the love of your life is far across town singing and learning and possibly getting really familiar with the time-out chair? How do you just leave?

I know what I told the parents all those years. Made sense at the time. I know she will be fine. I know she will LOVE it, as she loves everything. I know how lucky I am that she is the kind of personality that she is...very interested in new things and new people and not clingy and insecure. I know all this...but my heart still aches a little. A lot.

Then again, it will be nice to have some time. It will be good for her to have some time away from me, too. So, I will pray for her as I always do, and I will pray that I make the right decision. I will pray that her teachers are patient and loving and that she is safe. And I will start to let go, just a very little bit.

I just can't promise that I won't be one of the ones hanging around in the hallway after the door is closed. And I will be watching, hoping I like what I see.

All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on.-- Havelock Ellis

Why I love my Ellie

I tend to get a little mushy when it comes to the love of my life. That's ok, though...I waited 36 years for her, so I feel like I'm entitled. She just amazes me everyday. I feel so lucky to be the one God chose to watch her grow and learn. She teaches me, too, along the way. She helps me remember that the simple things in life are the greatest---like going to the "wimmy pool" with her, eating ice cream cones, and laughing about the silly songs we make up. We, as adults, get so caught up in the particulars of life. I think children are God's way of telling us to slow down and look around us...and to embrace and feel blessed by the wonderful things we already have. Please do that today. Hug your babies, no matter how old they are...and say a prayer of thanks that they are in your life.

Children are the living messages we send to a time we will not see. ~John W. Whitehead, The Stealing of America, 1983


Recent "Ellie-isms":

Wimmy pool -- swimming pool, for this she needs her...
Bay-suit ---she has a Dora one, a poohbear one, a Cinderella one, and a few others.
My quinn --you can guess who this is :)
Wizzard--Not from Harry Potter. These are the little green creatures she and Poppy go out looking for.
Tiny Baby -- a trick to make Auntie E rescue her from whatever her evil mother is trying to get her to do, i.e., nap, bath, etc. E carries her around wrapped in a blanket while she points directions with her foot. Spoiled? Nah.
"Dus a minute, I on the puter"--she is where she isn't supposed to be (at my computer) and trying to deflect my attempts to talk her down by acting like she is really busy. Sometimes I even check to see if she is. She's very convincing.

Check it out!

Here is the link to my new blog. http://sweetcarolinacupcakes.blogspot.com/

Catch up with what I've been doing with my new business. OK...so far, there's only one post, but be patient.

Life's about change...

I can't believe I have not updated my blog in more than a month...and I was doing SO well, too. I'm sure that by now Kathy has blacklisted me for being a lazy blogger, but I hope I can earn my way back into her good graces :) . By the way...E, you need to update too. We're beginning to appear boring!

So, where to begin? Let's see...in the last month or so we have moved to Hilton Head Island (SC for those of you who don't know), started a new business (more about that later), and enrolled Ellie in preschool. Separately, any of these things would be a bit stressful or at the very least be cause for apprehension. But somehow, so far everything is pretty good. It helps TREMENDOUSLY that I have my parents support...they help with everything from running errands for the new business to watching Ellie so I can work. Not to mention that thanks in large part to their financing, I am able to make my dream a reality. Don't know what I'd do without them. Not everyone gets parents like mine...I am very lucky.

I will cover more details about our new life later. There is a lot to tell and I can't do it justice while I'm listening to the desperate wails of a 2 year old begging for mercy at bedtime. Hope you keep reading!

"Poppy" goes the weasel

Take a good look at my dainty little girl's new toy. (Ellie herself added the train to the scene) This is a weasel ball...or commonly referred to in my house now as "my weeeeeeeedel!" Poppy came to town yesterday and after a stop at the Cracker Barrel for breakfast, we came home with full tummies and a much-needed weasel. Ellie was taken with them as we waited for our table...what little girl wouldn't be? So Poppy had to get her one (they are $7.99!) along with a bag of candy. Not that he would spoil her or anything, but he is totally wrapped around her cute little finger. And he knows it. We have had a good laugh watching her with it though. She is more interested in how it works and taking the ball apart to remove and replace the battery time and time again. "OPEEE Poppy!" quickly followed by "CWOSE it Poppy!" And he did. Weasel got quite a workout his first day home . He got to run around in the kitchen, inside a box, and out in the backyard...the only thing he couldn't do was climb our tree. Ellie was disappointed, but she forgave him. She just slung him over her shoulder and toted him back into the house where he roamed freely until one of us could catch him and turn him off.

Ellie has a good time with her Poppy and the feeling is entirely mutual. Although, on the way to the airport yesterday she did offer to throw him over to go get a "ha-burger". (She can be fickle.) But, they spent their time playing blocks, making music with her harmonicas, taking a walk, and just being silly together.

I think they are both very lucky.

Where does the time go?

I meant to keep up my blog while I was in WV with my sister's little angels, but I honestly don't know what happened! I'll blame them, since it's convenient and they aren't here to defend themselves. Seriously though, I was so worn out at the end of the day that it was all I could do to brush my teeth. I think I'm old. Who knew?

Overall, the week went well. I had to bring the hammer down on them once or twice but we had some fun and I think we're all still speaking. Ellie and I got to go see Quinn's soccer game where she yelled, "Go Quinn Go!" about a million times. I think they won, or at least he says they did. But then again, he always tells me that. I'm not sure he knows either. I like going and look forward to Ellie getting into those things. She was ready too...couldn't keep her off the field, but luckily E distracted her with some bug-juice. That worked temporarily. Later in the week E, Ellie, and I even got to go out to breakfast together. That was nice, as I don't get much grown up time to talk to my sister. There is usually an interruption on one end or the other, starting with some version of "MOM(MY)!!!!!"

Since we've been back home, Ellie has found a few new phrases and tricks to help add to my collection of gray hairs. Last night right before bed, she spied a package of M&Ms on the breakfast bar. "MMMMM!", she said. "Canny!" I told her "No candy", as she had already had a treat and brushed her teeth for bed. Before I could get to her, she had scrambled up onto the bar and was holding the package over her head...."Ta-daaa!" One step closer to her and she threw them across the room. Thinking that must be the universal signal for "I am SO ready for bed!" I scooped her up and off we went. Now, I have relaxed my stance on sweets a little in the last few months...rather, I've given up. No one listened to me anyway and I got tired of talking to myself. I do let her have some treats occasionally. But, you have to understand, these were dark chocolate peanut M&Ms...and quite frankly, they were MINE. Call me selfish, but she really had just brushed her teeth. :)

Ellie funny for the day:

Leaving the playplace today, as I put her in her car seat I handed her cup to her.

She looked at me and said , "Thanks, honey."

Rules for boys

Well, here we are, day #1. Everyone is where they should be...the boys at school and Ellie napping. The cat finally showed her face and is sleeping on the couch. This morning went pretty well, considering the people I was dealing with. Ellie woke the boys by jumping on their bed, but they were up and around faster than I thought they would be. A good start. We even negotiated having breakfast at home so that they could go to school just a little later. Quinn especially liked this, as his first words to me this morning were, "Hey woman, what's for grub?" Charming. He requested pancakes and sausage -- easy enough. So, they all ate together and I think I only heard the word "stupid" one time. Maybe twice. Quinn was dressed and ready (I thought) but Caden dragged his feet a little. After lighting a small fire under his butt, he was dressed too. A quick inspection of the two reminded me why you never take a little boy's word that he has completed any hygiene task. Here are the "boy rules" as I see them:

1. If my skin is wet, I have had an adequate shower.

2. If my toothbrush is wet, I must have brushed my teeth. You can further prove this to your aunt by taking the cap off of the toothpaste and showing her the opening while saying "See?"

3. Combing hair is an option usually reserved for people who want to look like a "president" or "fancy" You do not have to be fancy in the second grade, or the seventh apparently.

4. Two pairs of underwear worn at the same time make your pants feel "puffy".

5. "Put your plate in the sink" can be translated to "shove the plate about 5 inches from where you just finished eating, wipe your mouth on your shirt, and look for the TV remote."

6. Carrying your backpack to the car is very tiring and time consuming. Try begging someone to do it for you. If that doesn't work, let it slide down the stairs on it's own and pick it up at the bottom.

7. "Shot-gun!" is a four-letter word.

8. There are 1,000,000,000 different ways to sing the Coca-cola jingle on the way to school.

9. Never ask "do you think that girl is pretty?" loudly with the window down while a seventh grade boy gets out of the car.

10. There has to be something at Barboursville Elementary that you can buy with a dollar.

All in all, a good morning. We got through all these little challenges, and they even did what I told them to, eventually. No one was bleeding when they left and I haven't booked a flight home yet. Let's hope the afternoon goes as well.

My Boys

This morning I am off to WV to put in some "aunt" time with my boys Caden and Quinn. I am looking forward to it, but check back with me in about 24 hours! Ellie will be thrilled, as she loves all the attention and just runs her little legs off trying to keep up with them. No one makes her laugh like Quinn, and Caden is her hero...the guy who pushes her the highest on the "wing" in the front yard. (He hates when I knock on the window and tell him to take it down a notch...but he knows its coming).

I love watching the three of them together--the three little souls I love most in this world. It is especially gratifying, and mind-boggling, to watch those boys take care of my little daughter. These big boys, still babies in my heart and mind, who are so careful and sweet to her...who watch over her and find delight in her "little-girlness". They have loved her, without question, since the day they found out about her--just as I have them. Because of them, I feel like Ellie will always have someone, even when I'm gone. As Quinn told me once, "When I'm big and she's still little, I'll take care of her." And he will, too. He also wants to know what she will be doing when he's in college, because he'll probably be too busy then. So sweet. Caden doesn't express it the same way, but I see his love and concern for her in the way he is interested in helping with her care. The first day home, he wanted to feed her and help change her. (Quinn wanted to "milk" her, too.) Kind of neat for a then 10 year old boy. Neither of them have been jealous or felt put-out for one second --instead of taking away from them, she has enriched their lives and even they can see it.

So, off I go to these little guys who will no doubt argue with me and challenge my every word. They are a little like their mother, you know. :) But, oh how I love them...the one who taught me what real love was and the one who showed me the miracle of doubling a love you felt was already immeasurable. See you soon, guys. Thank you for loving us.

Bedtime Battles

Ellie has discovered sidewalk chalk. We bought some at Target today, along with a new spill-proof (yeah, right) bubble container and a watering can for when she wants to "help me mommy" with the flowers. I'm trying to find things to occupy her outside since that is where she wants to be lately. If we'd let her, I think she'd sleep in the backyard -- as long as the bugs all go inside first.

It was all I could do to get her back inside to take a toy-bath and get ready for bed. She asked for popcorn and had to "help me mommy" with it. "Cook it...push buttons", she said as she scooted her stool toward the microwave. How does she know these things? Someone must be tutoring her behind my back. She's sharp, this one. Like today when she head-butted me in the chin while I was trying to put her shoes on and when I said "Ouch!", she turned, rubbed my chin and said "much better". Glad I have someone to look out for me.

So, after toy-bath, we made popcorn. She was munching away, happily watching Dora and Diego for a while -- singing and repeating whatever that monkey of theirs was chattering about. Suddenly, she jumped up and dumped her few remaining popcorn kernels on the floor and began stomping the heck out of them. She had tried this before with a brownie and I guess she liked the result, so why not try a new medium? Now, I know she saw me sweeping the floor today, but I'm not convinced she cared. Here is how I handled it..bearing in mind all my years of studying child development:

Me: "Ellie, stop that!"
Ellie : (stomp, stomp, stomp!)
Me: "Stop that right now or you're going to bed!"
Ellie: (running now and throwing pieces she has picked up on the fly...oh, and laughing)
Me: (chasing her down, catching her by one arm, and dragging her kicking and spitting to the scene of the crime) "Now, you put all those pieces back in your bowl right now."
Ellie: "Wight Now!"
Me: "I mean it, Ellie. Pick them up."
Ellie: (fists clenched and behind her back...looking at floor)
So, as any reasonable adult would do, I took her little hand and tried to force her to pick them up. This doesn't work, by the way. She finally did pick up ONE kernel and when I said,"Now put it in the bowl" looked at me, dead in the eye, opened her fat little hand, and....DROPPED IT RIGHT BESIDE THE BOWL.

Score: Ellie-1, Mommy-0.

There really is something to be said about learning to pick your battles with a 2 year old. I'll clean up the rest later.















**More "Ellie-isms":
"charp" - a knife. Sharp.
"shake-shake" - sugar, Parmesan cheese, salt, etc. She'd love to have these all to herself.
"DeeeWord" - this is where MeeMouse, TeeBell, PeePan, Bumbo, Goo-kee and Tuto live. Tells me, "I wanna go dere, too!"
"Red" -- the answer for "what color is this?"

More later. :)

"

Random Ellie

Rain again today. They are saying "flash floods" for our area, along with tornado watches. Not a real soothing bit of information, but I have my cell phone, etc. handy in case we get word to head to the laundry room (the innermost room in the house). Piper is as nervous as a cat -- not an easy trick for an overweight dog. Ellie, though, sleeps soundly in her tented bed -- wonderfully oblivious to the storms outside.

She has had a big day. We went to an indoor playtime at one of the local churches this morning. It is the neatest thing...a huge gym with built-in climbers, slides, even a plastic tree you can climb in and out of. To say she loved it is an understatement. She LOOOOOVED it!

The kid loves "going"....just simply going. She is so interested in the world and everyone in it. I love that about her. When she realized that they had Capri-Sun drinks for snack time, well, that just about did her in! She expertly ripped the straw off and wanted to "twye it". We probably caused a small scene with the scuffle that followed...me trying to help guide the straw into the actual hole and Ellie convinced it could just go anywhere. "My TURN!" she screeched at me. Little Miss Independent. It will serve her well in life even if it does gray every hair on my head in the process.

Let's see...getting on another track here for a minute. (Not that I really had a direction today. Rather, I just needed some words to put down so I could have an excuse to post more pictures.) Ellie insisted today that she put on "panties" (i.e., a little mermaid pull-up). I told her that was fine, but when you wear panties you have to go to the potty. She said "Quinn wear panties, mommy. And Cadnen panties too!" I had to laugh. Later this evening, she worked her little body down into the pillowcase of one of our king-sized pillows and then realized she was stuck. She wriggled around, looking like a little caterpillar, screaming "Ayuda me Mommy!" (Guess that one's here to stay). By the time I got the camera, she was out.

I'll end my rambling tonight with a picture from the park yesterday of Ellie with her friend, Alexandra (or "Adandra' in Ellie-speak). Ellie loves her and she is a sweet, quiet little one. I told her mother that I hoped Alexandra's quietness would rub off on Ellie, but I'm afraid it will go the other way. Good luck, then!

She loves me, she loves me not

After the rain of the last few days, mother nature smiled on us and brought lots of sunshine. The ground here stays wet for days after a good soaking which interferes with Ellie's sand-box time, so today was a welcome return to the park and her "shubel and butek" (shovel and bucket). So, after her nap, we headed to our favorite park armed with all her gear. Thing is, she never plays with her own stuff -- I guess the grass is greener in the toddler yard, too. Anyway, they all seem to do it and share pretty well so no big deal. I love that she shares easily and isn't territorial about her things. She doesn't have to do that at home being an only child, and that has been one of my concerns. I'd like to think her understanding of generosity is due to her relationship with her cousins Caden and Quinn, but truth be known, they always give her whatever she wants...so they're no help :) . I'm proud of her for having a sharing spirit and for being so open to new people and situations.

Here's the rub -- She doesn't need me. I don't mean this literally, as in the life-sustaining context. I mean that socially, she couldn't care less if I am there or not. She hits the ground running wherever we go and doesn't look back. Her KinderMusik teacher told me that it's a good thing, that it means she feels secure and confident that I am always going to be here and that she can move away and come back with no fear. I hear her say that, but my heart breaks anyway. It's not Ellie's fear, it's mine. Fear that she really doesn't need me. Fear that she would or could wander off toward the wrong person at the wrong time. Fear that I'm lacking some crucial "bondability" because I'm not fortunate enough to share her DNA. And, worst of all, fear that one day she will be easily able to push past me toward someone or something else that catches her interest and I will be a fleeting thought.

To a woman at the playground, she said "Hi!", as if they had been expecting her. The woman laughed and said "hi" back, then looked at me and said "What a friendly child!" As she said this, my daughter proceeded to begin rooting through the woman's bag (in her defense, there was a container of bubbles visible). I was mortified and apologized profusely. Of course, the lady just laughed and said how wonderful it must be to have such an outgoing child...that her own son stood by her side at the playground for 6 years and cried because he just wouldn't venture out on his own. She said "I always felt so bad, like he was too dependent on me. It drove me nuts." Hmm. So it is with mothers -- guilt, no matter what. Well, that's good. I've always felt guilty about everything anyway, so it's good to know that now it has an assigned seat in my life.

Ellie did eventually find her way back to me, not that I was too far. I try to stay just far enough away that she doesn't have to say "go away mommy" (and she does), but close enough to make sure she knows I'm there if she needs me or wants to play. There is a fine line between sitting in your car talking on the phone and getting your butt stuck in the twisty slide.

She may not be looking for me, but I'll always be looking for her.

**Ellie funny of the day: We were playing in her room and she was lying across my lap with her arms wrapped around my neck when I detected an unpleasant odor.

Me: "Ellie did you poop?"

Ellie: "No Mommy.Not yet."

:)

The best things in life are "E"

The top 10 reasons Ellie loves her E...
1. It's way more fun to go in "E Car" than Mommy's car.
2. E has a kitty cat that will let Ellie catch it.
3. E was the first to introduce the little princess to toenail polish, and her very own lipgloss...at 15 months old.
4. E has "Cadnen and Kien", whom she adores, and the feeling is totally mutual.
5. E knows all the words to the Winnie the Pooh song.
6. Two words...DIET COKE! (they think I don't know about this)
7. E doesn't mind a little one kicking her in the back in the middle of the night. Well, she might mind, but I guess she's become immune. Her youngest is part donkey.
8. Reese's easter eggs
9. E is a whiz at girly shopping
And the #10 reason Ellie loves her E....
10. Because they will be best friends forever, like 2 peas in a pod.

Rainy days

It has been raining here off and on -- mostly on, for the past 2 days. We got out of the house a little yesterday to go to the park and a quick run to the grocery store (aka "cookie store"), but that has been about it. Ellie plus cooped-up equals me pulling my hair out! This is definitely a kid who needs fresh air and a lot of moving around, and those things have been in short supply. I know she gets bored with just me here, as evidenced by the fact that today she was pushing her little people around in an empty Ziploc box and making car noises. I try, I really do...but sometimes I have to do housekeeping-type things, otherwise the bugs would carry us off once they found us under the piles of toys and clothes. And she's a pretty good girl...well, except for this new screaming thing she has discovered. Just ask Auntie E with whom I was trying to have a conversation yesterday when the shrieking drowned us out. I think she called her "spoiled"...not that she herself has had anything to do with that! (think 35 dresses in sizes 6-9 months in my attic and a fully functioning Cinderella castle in my family room) Still, I wouldn't trade these days for anything. I know they'll be gone too quickly and I'll not be able to remember what it felt like to wrestle that wriggling, kicking little body into the "toy bath" one more time. I'm holding these days tightly, as tough as they may be.

I keep thinking I'll make a list of "Ellie-isms" so that I can help myself remember her funny little words as they come and go from her vocabulary. Now that she's talking in sentences, sometimes a new word slips in unnoticed. I did a pretty good job of tracking them for the first year and a half in her baby book, so I want to keep it up. The following is a partial list of Ellie-speak:

"Toy-bath" -- nightly bath with about 1,000,000,000 toys in it
"Nigh-nee" -- pacifier, used to call it a nite-nite so she'd associate it with sleep only.Didn't work.
"Twye it" -- She wants to do whatever you're doing, or try it. This applies to everything.
"Nake" -- snake. These are fierce and can even jump on you and smack you in the head.
"Nakey" -- not a snake. This is Ellie running from the toy-bath and hiding under the dining room table where she sometimes pees.
"Ch-Cheese" --Chuck E. Cheese--also known as the devil's playground.
"Hum-on" -- come on.
"Show you" -- why you need to hum-on.
"Cackle" --where Cinderella lives.
"Meemo" -- nemo
"Pee Pan" -- peter pan
"Ju, fwee" -- juice please
"Bug"-- anything on the ground that remotely looks like it could be a bug. This could be a string, leaf, button, or at times an actual bug. You pick these up with a wipe, just so you know.
"All-done" --She's finished eating and is about to hurl the plate of food into the air. Move fast.
"I you, Mommy"-- My favorite. I love you Mommy. I you too, Ellie.

Oh, and not sure if this one will stick, but this evening while watching Diego save a baby whale, she yelled out "Ayuda me, Mommy" -- which I came to learn is Spanish for "help me", and don't you know that little whale was bi-lingual? I bet his mommy is making her own list as we speak.

Looks can be deceiving

We went for Ellie's 2nd year pictures today. She, of course, was adorable. The photographer did a great job once I explained that Ellie is not really a "pose" kind of girl...as my Dad said, "You have to catch her on the fly". So, that worked well. We both had a good time, and when we were done she got to go to Build-A-Bear. For the first time, she walked out with an actual bear...up to now, we'd been able to distract her enough to get out the door. I think those days are over and the fits are coming. But, we are now the owners of a cute little bear named Honey. Ellie wanted to "twye" the computer when it came time to type in his name, but I couldn't pronounce "gakjafdfuhrehfjlfkfj34vj", so I changed it.

Later at home, I was looking at her pictures and thinking how delicate and sweet she looks when I see her on all fours, lapping out of the dog's water bowl. Oh well. She (and the dog) have had shots. Sometimes you just have to laugh...and gag a little.

Fragile

Late last night, I watched my beautiful daughter sleep. She is flawless--a true work of art from the Creator of the Universe. How did He know that what I most wanted in all the world was this little girl? I tell my mother all the time that I still marvel at the fact that this child is really mine -- but she is. And, oh, how I'd go to the ends of the earth for her. She is the love of my life. She made me what I always wanted to be....her mommy.

For some, motherhood comes easily into their lives. Almost like something you don't even know you want until it is thrust, screaming and pooping, into your arms. For others of us, it is a hard-won battle and can make you especially leery of every possible danger or threat -- always fearing that your happiness is soon to be snatched away and your dream destroyed. Neither side is an easy one to be on...to be unready or to be so overly prepared that you drive yourself and everyone around you insane. But, in the end, mothers we are.

I can't help but think about another mom today. A mother who has lost her precious babies in the cruelest of ways. I do not know this woman, but know some of her family...and I know that they are in indescribable pain. Prayers roll through my head constantly..."Lord, give them peace", "Dear God, comfort this family"...all the while knowing that comfort and peace will be hard to find in the coming days. It is simply not fair to lose a child. It's not the way life is supposed to go. We are supposed to get to hold them, kiss them, and teach them while we watch them go into the world on their own. We are supposed to be able to know what they are like as adults and burst with pride for their accomplishments all along the way. When this most sacred thing is torn from your life, you think you'll never breathe again.

But, you do. You have to. Somehow, someway, God helps us start to heal, slowly, slowly. It's not easy, and so immensely unfair. And while she, and so many of us will never be the same after our little ones leave this world...we can know that they are our angels-- just like we always thought they were.

Welcome to our life!

I was always going to be one of those mothers who did it all -- the scrapbooking, blogging, videos and pictures, anything and everything to document my child's life. I would keep it all up faithfully and never miss a beat. It would all be there, alphabetized and categorized for her to look back on and cherish someday. Ahhh...the sense of accomplishment.

Then, God brought Ellie. Sweet, funny, beautiful, WILD Ellie! Now, a day with a shower AND a matching outfit is a rare treat. To say she keeps me hopping would be a disservice to her ingenuity. For Heaven's sake, she is 2 years old, and I am SOOO far behind! I do have a lot of pictures to put in those scrapbooks -- although, many of them are of the back of her head. Videos, sure. I've done semi-decent with that too (I have battery issues frequently).

I've wanted to start a blog, and time ticks by...so here I go. My hopes are that I will enjoy it enough to stick with it, and that my pint-sized hurricane will finally sit still one day in the distant future to read these words and know how very much she is loved and what joy she brings to my life.

I love you to the moon and back, Ellie Kathleen.

P.S. I promise to get to that scrapbook soon.